GuiserGestalt

Has been a while since i last posted a journal entry, Needless to say i feel alot better than i did. I'm still not in love with my job but i'm starting to realise what i want to do at the start of next year, i pretty much have until the end of this year to get money togethor to start working freelance for myself. Have a couple of business ventures that i have in mind which will hopefully pan out. There are times when i still feel a bit shoddy inside myself but that's more so due to the lack of time i have outside of work, i usually have to wait every 2 weekends to have 2 days off work which allows me enough time to draw. I still haven't expa

Haven't really posted anything in a long time, my mundane job is destroying my will to do anything in the miniscule amount of free time i get within a day. I feel like a grain of sand on a beach currently, nothing changes, the ocean moves me back and forth every so often but i don't recieve any satisfaction in knowing that fact. I feel incapable of trying to make art a thing whilst having to work a job, all that passion gets drip drained away and absorbed into something that you only do to gain income. Having money isn't really bringing me any sense of purpose either, its value is similar to that of dirt, i can buy any menial belongings to my

The other day it became apparent to me that my life each year folds in on itself, the repeating cycles of emotions i go through each year as if like clockwork. I have an issue with pushing people away and harbouring feelings of self loathing, without being able to break this cycle i will never get rid of these feelings that i hate so much. I've often had conversations about this with numerous people which all comes down to me complaining about my situation instead of trying to fix it, because i don't think i'm as important as the next man. All of these thoughts hurt the most when i realise that they are leading into doubts about my art, it us